The Coffee Freak and The Bitchy Peon

Yes, I know what you all must be thinking. Samosa Freak meets Coffee Freak? What an uncanny turn of events! However, I regret to say that this was a so-not-exciting and rather annoying encounter with an individual who has made me suffer terribly.

I have always been proud of the kind of stamina I have. Even after a gruelling day of uni and fours hours of Anees Hussain-ing, I've been able to go out with friends or even study. When others complain about how dead tired they are after a 9-6 internship, I hide the smirk on my face since I can never empathize with these people.

I have always been most pleased with the fact that I am not addicted to either tea or coffee, and a good night's sleep is more than sufficient for me. But since I happen to be human, I did realize that long internship hours were extremely tiring. Thankfully, this really nice peon on the first floor used to bring me coffee twice a day, and so I spent the first three days sitting with my friend Amal and having the most scintillating conversations ever. The fact that coffee perks me up like an Energizer bunny probably helped too.

When I finally managed to transfer to the department of my choice, I was ecstatic. But as the old adage goes- there's always some bad with the good.

The first day in the new department was terribly hectic. By 11 0' clock, I was absolutely dying for my daily dose of coffee. I stared at the computer screen with bleary eyes and willed myself to focus. Treasury Operations......Export Refinance Loans...... BIA.............................    ICOFR....zzzzzzzz...... Sitting in a chair all day doesn't help either, and it took me every ounce of energy to keep my face from falling flat on to the keyboard. I didn't think I'd have fancied QWERTY stamped across my face, and that thought kept me awake.

Tea was served around that time. In my dazed state, I failed to notice the peon who brought in chai. So when he entered the office a second time, I got up hurriedly and asked him to get me some coffee. Little had I known that he was no ordinary peon. He was a Bitchy Peon. THE Bitchy Peon.

'Humen sirf boss aur visitors ko coffee daenay kae orders hain,' (We're only allowed to serve coffee to the boss and to visitors) he apprised me in a very superior tone.

'Mujhay hamesha neechay sae coffee miltee hai,' (I always get coffee from downstairs) I whined beseechingly. Yes, I was whining, I was that desperate. Anyone would be, if they couldn't even keep their eyelids open. I felt like a ragged, starved and lowly fakeer (beggar) begging for a morsel of food, just to have the king's minions ridicule me. Jaisay coffee nahin caviar ho gai.

The Bitchy Peon finally came to his senses and suddenly realized that being diplomatic was the only way he could shrug me off. 'Main dekhta hun,' ('I'll see, but I'm not making any promises,) he finally muttered and scurried away.

As expected the coffee never came. But the Bitchy Peon did. He reappeared with chai several times during the day- rather an extra number of times that particular day- just so that he could rub in his superiority and jala-ofy me. My friend Saira Hassan, who works in another department on the same floor, had been disdainfully informed by the Bitchy Peon that 'interns don't get coffee'. I spent all of that day with bloodshot eyes, cursing the Bitchy Peon to death. Little had I known that my cursing was misplaced.

This morning, I trooped into the reception area to see Omer Mukhtar and another intern aka the Coffee Freak chatting. 'Yaar how in the world can I get coffee on this floor?!' I groaned wearily.

The Coffee Freak laughed. 'Interns aren't allowed coffee, but I manage to drink several cups during the day. I even made him [The Bitchy Peon] some coffee the other day.' He chuckled. 'It's because of me that he stopped giving the interns coffee.'

Now THAT got my blood boiling. Not only was this particular person enjoying a gazillion cups of coffee every day, but he was The Bitchy Peon's new BFF!  The word COFFEE was bleeping in my head like a huge pink neon sign, and this person had not only had A cup, but rather CUPS of coffee! Argh!

I mentally argh-ed to myself some more and mustered up a smile which was crappy at it's best, what with no coffee and all. 'Oh that's nice,' I finally managed to say. 'Could you try to wheedle him into getting me some too?'

The Coffee Freak pacified me with false hopes too. Like a defeated warrior, I slumped back into my seat, vowing to seek vengeance on The Bitchy Peon and the Coffee Freak. Time to chalk out a battle plan.